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User talk:PsychoticLaughter
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User:PsychoticLaughter page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Underscorre (talk) 15:27, April 9, 2015 (UTC) Jay Ten (talk) 16:03, April 9, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:03, April 9, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story The story was not up to quality standards. Starting with the smaller things, a space should be between each paragraph. There were a few times that you accidentally combined two paragraphs by not leaving a space between them. Wording errors: There are a lot of fragmented/incomplete sentences here. "Hated.", "Always hated.", "By everyone." this in combination with starting a number of sentences with conjunctions (but, because, and) gives the story a very choppy feel. Additionally starting a few sentences with conjunctions is alright, but try to avoid beginning new paragraphs with them. "But all that is nothing.", "But today was different," Punctuation issues: Commas missing where needed and apostrophes missing from contractions and words indicating possession. "Since I have selective mutism(,) it(')s hard to tell people that, so I just keep it to myself", " neighbor(')s cat". Remember, it's=it is, its=possession: "Maybe it(')s not real, maybe I'm just overreacting to something simple.", "I can feel the schizophrenia getting worse each day and most of the time it(')s hard to ignore.", "because it(')s bolted to the wall." Story issues: "The biggest problem is that I have depression, paranoia, and a little bit of schizophrenia." I would think with all of these issues the protagonist would be receiving help. Additionally schizophrenia really shouldn't be classified as a little bit especially as the protagonist is having auditory hallucinations. All that in conjunction with the selective mutism feels like you are throwing a lot at the character especially since some of those conditions really don't come into play in the story or have a very large roll in the story. Finally telling the story in past tense and having the protagonist die at the end (actually a few paragraphs before the end) is pretty problematic. How are they typing this? Additionally who is describing this after they die? "Police tape was everywhere. Flashing red and blue lights was all my parents could remember when they came back home the next morning." The story has some issues that need working on, I would suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop before uploading it as they can be key in pointing out plot, grammatical, wording issues that would typically lead to a story's deletion. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:10, April 10, 2015 (UTC) :If you want to get it back up, you should take it to the writer's workshop and after getting feedback and touching it up, you can make a deletion appeal. Note: do not make the appeal now. Doing so will result in me copy/pasting what I put above and denying the appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:36, April 10, 2015 (UTC)